Nuisance

Every often, I will question myself about what exactly do I want.... Till now, I am still lost. Maybe "Alice" should come and find me in her wonderland and bring me light to the way out of her world.

Been having real frequent headaches these days. Especially on the left side. Almost every day or every other day. The migraine medi that doc gave and the panadol extras dun work on me anymore.... DIE! Wanna bang my head on the walls and smash it liao... Wondering if I have brain tumors liao.... IF really diagnosed to be positive, dunno if I will undergo treatments hor... Maybe just let it be? LIVE TO DIE....

There are getting more cases of healthy people dying in their sleep. They have no illnesses, have no bad habits like drinking and smoking, have been eating healthily and been exercising regularly. But they died just like that. ALAS! It's really all fated and destined. Nothing you do or dun do is going to change that.

Since life is so unpredictable, I am back to thinking if one should just live for that moment. Just enjoy every moment as it is? Then, how can one enjoy oneself to the fullest leh? Looking at friends around me, especially PB; it's like they can really truly be happy. Do whatever they like, whatever they want. Have meanings in their lives. Why can't I? PB and BB told me that it's bec I chose to have the hard way out... I din deliberately chose the hard way, but, probably I did. Maybe it's just me. Have the widest restrictions based on principles and beliefs and emotions?

What kind of person am I.... I wonder....

Am I happy? I think not... Although most of the times, I may appear to be. Can I be happy? I dunno... One of my friends then asked me, why do I need to wear a mask? I don't see myself as wearing a mask lor, just that I will naturally display my so-called happiness more when I am actually feeling blue inside. Maybe so that I can don't have people asking me why? I dunno why actually. Anyway, when I am not talking, it doesn't necessarily mean that I am unhappy/moody/got problems. I am just enjoying my silence. :) Especially now that I have severe headaches most of the times, I just dun feel like opening my mouth. (going to have bad breath liao. EEeeks!)

I think I am still better in expressing myself through writing. Dun really like talking. Hahahaha...

For my friends who are reading this blog and are worried about me, don't be! I am fine! Really! Just penning some of my thoughts. Don't ask me about it too, as I won't feel like talking about it.
CHEERS! ;)